Once my excitement over social media mellowed to a realistic view of what I do and do not want to use social media for, I became very particular about what I post to Facebook and who is allowed to see it. I review my privacy settings from time to time, including my various filters, and I make adjustments as necessary.
I have said in the past that whatever you put on Facebook, even if it is filtered, ought to be considered public. I still believe and follow that rule. But that doesn’t mean I don’t bother to use filters. I use them, not because of Facebook, but because of how I choose to interact with the people who use Facebook. As a general rule, everything I post on Facebook I have said in public or posted publicly elsewhere. Everyone I am connected to on Facebook could search the internet and, except in the rare cases where I have used a pseudonym or posted anonymously, find my opinions and convictions. But they have to go looking for it, rather than having me do the work for them by laying a Facebook post in their laps.
There is a handful of people I am connected to on Facebook who have access to all of my posts. These people are my inner circle. These are people who are guaranteed to reply when I email for help or insight. They are the ones most likely to drop me a line just to see how I am doing or tell me what they are up to. They are the first to respond when I post on my blog about something deeply personal. They are always honest and always compassionate and always emotionally present, as I try to be for them. As a result, I trust them explicitly…even though some of them I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting in person. They can see all of the photos I am tagged in. They can see all of my photo albums. They can see all of my contact information (of what I deign to put on Facebook, and believe me, I limit that) They are the first to know when something exciting or painful happens in my life. They are the ones I am likely to call on the phone, Skype with, move heaven and earth to spend time with in person, and share stuff not fit for public consumption. The trust they have actively nurtured with me over time is why they have unfettered access to my Facebook presence.
There are three groups of people who have access to most of my posts. They are my chosen family, my friends, and my blog connections, and each group is on its own filter. My inner circle is a subset of these three groups. These are the people who embody the familial ideals of loyalty and unconditional love without necessarily being blood relatives (in fact, most of them are not), the people whom I consider friends outside of the internet, and the people whose personal blogs I read and who read my personal blog. They can see all of my photo albums as well as all of my posts/information that are not just for my inner circle. Knowing there are people who are reading and appreciating what I post is important to me; I don’t like feeling as though I am shouting into an empty, sound-proofed room. The people who make the time to let me know they are reading, discuss the issues, and share the laughs are on these filters. Therefore, I don’t have to ask, "Is this thing on?" or wonder, "Is anyone reading?" I know they are reading, because they go out of their way to tell me so.
The list that has radically improved my Facebook experience, surprisingly enough, is my Restricted list. Facebook created the Restricted list in such a way that people on that list can only see public posts and posts they are directly tagged in. People with whom I have only a professional connection go on this list. Teens go on that list. People whom I add conditionally, until I get to know them better, go on that list. People whose worldviews about subjects I take personally (like LGBT issues) are so different from mine to the point where I would feel the need to censor myself in order to feel comfortable having a conversation around them also go on this list. Basically, if I have to step over huge swaths of who I am in order to feel comfortable talking with that person online or in person, they are on the Restricted list.
Using these filters has allowed me to relax and enjoy Facebook within the boundaries I’ve set for my Facebook use. When I wasn’t so careful with my filtering I felt frustrated from a lack of response when it mattered most or alienated by knowing some were reading and shaking their heads in judgment against me. And yes, I know the filters don’t make people shake their heads at me less. The filters make me care less and enjoy Facebook more.