I Am Here to Be Authentically Me

Part of the problem could be we think we have to have a purpose, as if our mere existence is not purpose enough. So if we feel like we aren’t “useful” to or cherished by others on the scale we want, we feel like we’re just taking up space. [Texted to a friend on 2 October 2018.]

I and many of the people I know have spent a lot of our lives wondering whether we matter and counting the ways in which we feel we do or do not. At our lowest times we are convinced we don’t matter at all. We feel like our lives have to read like a two-page CV of publicly celebrated accomplishments, or our presence in the world has no purpose. But as I discussed that idea with a struggling, depressed friend I thought what if our purpose is simply to live personally meaningful lives to the best of our ability? Not to be useful. Not to make a difference. Not to do things amazing enough to get and keep the attention of folks we want to be connected to. What if our purpose is to just be who we are? Because if we are being who we are and enjoying life, we are pursuing our dreams and doing work that is meaningful to us and creating things from a place of authenticity and caring (because how can one be human, truly human, and not care?) and loving (ditto) and being kind (ditto). Those things are more important than we tend to think they are. Imagine the anarchy, if no one did those things. (Or just read a historical account about colonization.)

I know this is idealistic. I know some folks do not seem to have a shred of compassion in their bodies for anyone other than themselves. I know selfish people exist. But for the rest of us—the lovers, the big hearted, the ones who ironically enough are most likely to believe we have little to offer—our presence in the world is EXACTLY what the world needs.

It’s strange, but the selfish ones don’t seem to struggle with having a purpose or proving their worth. They’re out there doing their thing, and the fact that some folks don’t like their ways does not sway them from their pursuit of their own happiness at the expense of others. They don’t ask if they matter: they believe they are the best thing the world has ever seen, and damn anyone who doesn’t agree with them. If they expend any energy considering other people’s perceptions of them, it is to vehemently defend their selfishness and list all the ways in which they are entitled to do and have what they do and have. The fact is, if everyone was like them, everyone would eat each other alive and destroy the world until absolutely nothing and no one was left.

But we are not like them. We are the reason the world has not been utterly destroyed. We are the reason the homicide rate is not 100%. We are why there is more art than what the soulless industry machines feed the masses. We are why not every workplace is toxic and not every family is insanely dysfunctional. We are why there are people who experience real love. We are what joy looks like. We are what authenticity is. We are the helpers during a crisis, comforters during grief, cheerleaders during triumph, and warriors in the face of injustice. Not because we necessarily set out to be those things, but because in the course of living personally meaningful lives those are things we just do.

So try not to worry about whether or how much you matter to other people. Instead, focus on living a life that is meaningful to you. Do those things that bring you joy. Pursue those activities that stimulate your imagination. Because at the end of the day the world simply could not survive in any kind of meaningful way without people like you in it.