This morning I saw RuPaul on a repeat of the Queen Latifah Show, and I fell in love with him all over again. I love that man in all of his problematic, arrogant, empowered complexity. Most celebrities keep their imperfections on the down low while hinting at them with vague statements like, “I’m not perfect,” or, “I’m still working on myself.” Celebrities who were not seeking fame but had it bestowed upon them anyway are lauded as the example. We are told not to seek fame, because it is fleeting, is shallow, or will distract us from our vision.
RuPaul is the antithesis of all of that. He has been clear in interviews that he went into drag performance as a means to be famous. He had a vision, but he also wanted fame, and he is not shy about admitting that. He is supportive of trans* contestants who came out on “RuPaul’s Drag Race” while stubbornly defending his use of transphobic language, putting a tone-deaf foot down and demanding the hearer not let the words others use make them feel bad about themselves. He’s written about part of his journey to self-confidence in his autobiography, which is appropriately titled “Lettin It All Hang Out”. He is elegant, as subtle as a bull in a china shop, sensitive, and insensitive all at once. And in the middle of that sea of contradictions he has fought for and gotten what he wants out of life.
For years I believed the idea that in order to get what I wanted out of life I had to be, if not perfect, damn near close to it. I believed I should never let my imperfections show in public, because that immediately disqualified me from deserving what I wanted in life. I got the message I should not openly seek what I want (a partner, fame, influence, wealth), because only those who receive those things as a side effect of pursuing a “higher vision” deserve it. RuPaul reminds me that is a lie. If letting it all hang out is most authentically me, I can let it all hang out and still deserve to get what I want out of life.
Granted, some people will find that distasteful, perhaps even some people I admire whose admiration I would want to have. But as RuPaul has said, I cannot let other people’s opinions of me sway what I think about myself. I need to hold my head high and continue to be authentically me, regardless of what others may think and say. And just like I love RuPaul in all of his complexity, there will still be good people who will love me in all of mine.