If You’re Bougie and You Know It, Don’t Be Ashamed

I keep hearing people in the African American community refer to certain people as “bougie”. From what I gather there are various levels of “bougie”, from preferring middle to upper class things not stereotypically associated with African Americans to thinking you are better than the people who do not prefer those things. Calling someone “bougie” is a criticism in the African American community. It is not a label to be proud of.

While I don’t think I am better than people who are not interested or engaged in middle to upper class pursuits–What the hell does that even mean: that I would somehow be more worthy of respect than them? What classist nonsense is that?–I do mostly prefer middle to upper class things. I was raised solidly middle class with a maternal extended family that had access to education, white-collar work, and middle class pursuits. I still prefer that standard of living, those activities, and those forms of self-expression even after being exposed to other pursuits. My preferences definitely inform my entertainment choices. I generally cannot relate to and don’t enjoy movies or music centered around subjects the entertainment industry routinely casts African Americans for: rap, hip-hop, stories from “the hood”, gangs, drug dealers, etc. (But ask the industry to produce entertainment about those of us who are into classical music, higher education, international travel, etc., and it’s, “We couldn’t find anyone Black who was qualified/interested,” or, “There’s no market for that.” Yeah, sure.)

Of course there are exceptions. I enjoy some rap, R&B, and hip-hop, particularly the tunes I was exposed to in the 80s and 90s. Most days I can be found bumping house music, a genre that came out of the predominantly poor, African American, LGBTQ community. The jazz standards give me my entire life, and I would love to learn how to lindy hop. I learned my way around AAVE and can code switch when I need to. Black gospel music has an energy no other sacred music can begin to touch. The television series “Good Times” is one of my favorites from my childhood.

But I prefer to speak and write and hear standard American English. Classical music is my favorite music to play on my violin. The more formal semi- “high church” worship style allows my brain the space it needs to breathe and meditate and be inspired. I long for a season subscription to the opera, the symphony, and the polished atmosphere of Jazz at Lincoln Center. (All three, please and thank you.) Given the choice between a free house music event in a park and a free NY Philharmonic or Metropolitan Opera performance in a park, the house music event would come in a very close second. I enjoyed “Good Times”, but I strongly related to and saw myself in “The Cosby Show” and “A Different World” (even though I attended predominantly white institutions for college). And while T and I may have different movie and music choices–T finds classical music to be emotionless (I marvel at this) and has no issue with watching movies full of AAVE and stories from “the hood”–we both long for the day we can move to a place away from loud car stereos blasting rap or Latin music and neighbors whose loud voices and brash energy are like nails on a chalkboard to our far calmer souls.

I am grateful for my “bougie” tastes and am not ashamed of them. It makes me sad that in our community preferring things not typically associated with being poor or informally educated is looked down upon. How about we just let people be themselves? Let people have their rap and hip hop and tales from “the hood” and international vacations and classical music and private violin lessons. How about we respect both AAVE and standard American English, learn our way around both, and speak whatever we are most comfortable with in our families and social groups? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could live together without your music blasting from your apartment/car into mine just like I try to modulate the volume of my preferred music so you are not forced to endure it? What a novel concept it is to not look down on someone just because they are informally educated or have Ph.D. aspirations.

It would be nice instead of labelling one another in the Black community “ghetto” or “bougie” we just let one another live with a respectful, “They like what they like, and as long as it isn’t forced on me, that is okay.”