A friend and I were talking about our use of social media. They are going through a rough patch and questioned whether it is good for their soul to share so much of themselves on Facebook. This is something I have thought a lot about in the past year, so I had plenty to say to them.
In response to how posting on Facebook can be too exposing with little return on investment.
I have altered my use of social media for this reason. Most of what I post [on Facebook], for example, is only visible to my tribe. I only blog when I have something to say that I’d like to be able to reread when I am tired of reading everything else on the web. And when I feel I am putting too much out there with little return I go silent and save it all for my paper journal.
It isn’t FB though. Long before FB I would express my feelings to the people around me and get silence at best and outright mockery at worst. That was the story of my youth. It was a function of baring my soul to the wrong audience. Social media makes it easier to do that on a wider scale, but it isn’t the cause.
In response to questioning whether there is value in posting to a wider circle instead of just to one’s tribe.
I find meaning/value in posting to a wider circle, but I am far more particular about when I do so than I used to be.
When I first started blogging in the late 90s I was coming from a background of having my thoughts and feelings silenced and dismissed by those closest to me. I needed to “shout into the void”, because I needed perfect strangers to let me know my voice was heard and valued. I needed that again when I began my march out of evangelical Christianity in 2003, because most of the people closest to me were evangelical and pentecostal Christians who did not understand or approve of what I was thinking and feeling. In order to find the support I needed shouting into the void was my best option.
12 years later I have built a tribe of people who value me and my voice. When I am most vulnerable and need emotional support or need guidance/correction, I talk only to them, because I know they love me and will not usually dismiss or disparage me for what I am thinking and feeling. I also tell them I need feedback. I post to a wider circle only when my core is solid and I am better able to handle being disparaged or ignored (which is how I interpret silence, even if it is not meant that way).
I used to share more publicly because I was concerned about quiet people who might benefit missing out. In my case I believe I was over exaggerating my influence in the world. I am not their only option for support/enlightenment/validation. Even more important, I am obligated to take care of myself first. When I am on more solid footing I am in a healthier place to share my experiences, even if it means receiving nothing but silence in return.