I’ve noticed an interesting pattern when we talk about cisgender sexual relationships and preventing pregnancy. (Since I am talking about cisgender, heterosexual relationships, I will be using male/man and female/woman in the heteronormative senses.) A lot of the times the responsibility is put primarily on the woman to prevent pregnancy, since she is the one who would bear and be expected to care for any children born from that sexual relationship. Any suggestion that men take primary responsibility for their penises is met with pushback, if not outright hostility. Women are told to not have sex without commitment/marriage, to always have birth control on hand, and to suck it up and deal if they end up pregnant, because they knew that was a possibility when they agreed to have sex.
That is entirely opposite the viewpoint we take with gun ownership. Even amongst rabid supporters of unregulated gun ownership I have yet to encounter someone who vehemently claims everyone in the vicinity or who could possibly be in the vicinity of someone with a gun should walk with bullet-proof armor at all times. If the gun is accidentally discharged, we place the responsibility solely on the shoulders of the one who discharged the gun, even if the accident happens on a shooting range where everyone there consents to being in the presence of live ammunition and active shooting.
Heterosexual sexual relationships are no different.
Just like one need not be committed to a law enforcement or military career to have and enjoy guns, women are allowed to have and enjoy sex just for the sake of pleasure just like men are. It doesn’t have to be about commitment, but it should be about mutual respect of each other’s bodily autonomy at the very least. The one carrying the loaded gun needs to take the responsibility of making sure the proper safeties are in place so they don’t irreparably harm someone else. And if the gun goes off by accident or the safeties fail, they need to take full responsibility for the outcome. Whether or not she is on birth control, he is the one carrying the live sperm. If he does not want to take care of her medical care (whether that be abortion or prenatal care) or children and all of the costs associated with that, he should not be putting his penis in vaginas without condoms or without getting a vasectomy. That is being a responsible penis owner.
3 responses to “Penis vs. Gun Ownership”
In our family, this is known as “the proper cleaning and bagging of firearms,” and sex ed included our son’s responsibilities in the event of any surprises.
I should add that, in the middle of a discussion of whether men got a say in whether a woman got an abortion, I looked a male friend straight in the eye and said, “If you want to be actively involved in whether you father a child or not, wear a condom. If you don’t choose responsibility then, you don’t get to demand it later.” Wish I’d had a camera …
Wish I’d been a fly on the wall!