I knew of Robin Williams, but I wasn’t a huge fan and didn’t follow his career closely. I never watched Mork and Mindy and saw only a couple of his movies. But his death is affecting me in a surprising way: it’s making me more sensitive to my needs as someone who battles depression with the help of therapy and anti-depressants.
Robin was loved by millions and still felt despair deep enough to kill himself. Knowing this makes me more compassionate towards myself when I feel the weight of my low self-esteem and cannot quite take in the enormity of my tribe’s love for me in the wake of grief over other parts of my life not being what I’d hoped they’d be. If someone as popular and successful as him couldn’t feel it, I don’t have to shame myself (or internalize other people’s attempts to shame me) for not feeling it sometimes, too.
I want to remain aware of my tribe’s love and support, even when I can’t feel it at any given moment, because I don’t want to go out like Robin did.
Right now I am stable enough to be able to say I don’t want to go out like Robin did, and for that blessing I am immensely grateful.