I have read with interest the various opinions on David Bowie’s choice to have a sexual relationship with an underage girl. (I use that wording instead of calling it rape, because I am told that is how she describes it as an adult.) I find his choice distasteful, but it doesn’t make me feel one way or another about him as an artist. I didn’t follow him while he was alive and don’t feel compelled to either defend or disparage him now that he is dead.
What interests me is this tightrope walk we all experience at one point or another when we realize someone we deeply admire has done things we find distasteful. On one side are people telling us we are being unrealistic if we do not immediately drop them as an icon in our lives. On the other side are people telling us we weren’t true fans in the first place if we immediately drop them as an icon in our lives. We are in the middle knowing that no matter what we do, someone is going to disparage us for our choice.
There have been times my disgust at someone’s behavior has eradicated whatever admiration I had for them. There have also been times I have acknowledged problematic behavior without feeling the need to completely drop my admiration of them. In either case it doesn’t mean I had put them on a pedestal or looked at them as more than human. In fact, that accusation insults my intelligence. I know my icons are human, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling surprised or deeply disturbed when they do things I cannot conscience. I am human too, and feeling disturbed at others’ actions is a valid human emotion. So whether I no longer admire them or continue to admire what they stand for, my decision is made from a position of awareness of both their humanity and my own.
Inspired by the following articles: