A large part of liberals’ problem in politics is many of us act as though we are in a civil disagreement with a respectful, reasonable person. We latch on to statements like Michelle Obama’s “When they go low, we go high” and bend over backwards to express and show compassion for the other side. The underlying assumption is they are too reasonable to go even lower and will eventually understand us if we continue explaining ourselves to them. We assume we are operating from the same level of ethics and from a place of mutual respect.
We are not.
Years ago a family member asked me how to get her estranged husband to understand how his financial irresponsibility was hurting her. She tearfully said she had tried to explain to him many times, but he continued doing things like failing to pay their joint mortgage on time, even though she was still paying her half in spite of having moved out. This was a woman who was an eloquent public speaker talking about and to a man with a college degree in business. I pointed out that fact and assured her there was nothing lacking in her ability to explain herself. Likewise he had no problem understanding what she was saying. The problem was he simply did not care how his behavior was affecting her. “When you are dealing with someone like that, nothing you say or do is going to change their behavior towards you. They will do what they want to do, no matter how it affects your well-being. Therefore you must do whatever you must do to protect yourself from their selfishness.” The fact that I know and love them both gave my words the weight she needed to seriously consider them. A lightbulb went on in her head, and less than a half hour later she had made an appointment with a divorce attorney.
If we are to rescue ourselves and our country from the racist, classist, ableist, sexist, heterosexist, xenophobic forces taking it over, we need to lose the fantasy that we are dealing with people who have compassion and respect for us. They do not misunderstand us. We have not failed to express our concerns and needs in a respectful, clear manner. They simply do not care how their actions affect us. (Or themselves in the long run, in the case of people who are voting against their own best interests.) Therefore we need to do whatever we need to do to protect ourselves from and push back against their selfishness and shortsightedness. We must approach this as though we are at war, and our opposition must be passionate, strategic, and relentless.
Because we are at war.