All of my life I have heard women over 40 mention getting to a magical point in their lives where they no longer give a fuck what anyone thinks. They wear what they want, do what they want, style their hair however they want, and it doesn’t matter in the least whether other people understand or agree.
I would love to know what that is like. I am nearly through with my 40s and have not yet gotten to that point.
Even at this point in my life I care very much what people think of me. I want people to like me, adore me, even. I want people to agree with my choices, orientations, and identities. When I find out people do not care (or worse, disagree) I am hurt.
But,
I still wear what I want, do what I want, style my hair however I want, and go on my merry way. Where the fear of being hurt used to hold me back, these days I feel the hurt and boldly walk in my authenticity anyway. For every 1000 people who don’t care about me there is one who does so intensely those other 1000 people hardly matter. For every legion that disagrees with who I am there is one who celebrates me with such love and intensity that I forget about those who disagree. The more I focus on those who care and celebrate me, the less the others’ attitudes affect me.
One of them looks at me in the mirror every day and smiles with glee at what she sees.
It may be another 20-30 years before I get to the point where I don’t give a fuck. I may never get to that point. If not, I don’t intend to let that stop me from living my best life.
