For those who observe Easter, Resurrection Sunday, or Passover this weekend was full of messages of renewal, rebirth, redemption, and second chances. Old things are left behind. Chapters are ended. New chapters are begun. Life starts over with, we hope, a renewed sense of purpose.
Many of us can relate to that in our personal lives. I know I can. There are places in my life where I have had doors closed in my face or been forced off a path I worked hard on, yet I have rallied and forged a new, more meaningful path for myself. For various reasons I have lived a far more authentic, meaningful life in my 40s than I was ever able to manage in my previous decades, and the death of my hard-won career as a computer engineer is part of that story.
Sometimes, though, we have a difficult time regrouping. We suffer a loss, or we find ourselves on unfulfilling paths, and we wonder how we got there. We’d like to start over, but we aren’t sure how to do so. Don’t let anyone fool you with platitudes to, “Just do it!” or, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!”: new beginnings require safety nets. Rebuilding requires resources. If we do not have any or are unaware of the resources at our disposal, we will remain stuck wherever we are…or wherever we happen to land when we leap or are pushed into the void.
I recently asked what you all would like to know from other women over 40, and one woman sent a set of questions so powerful, I wanted to give them their own blog post instead of burying them in an interview. Here is what she has to say, shared with her permission.
This 53 year old is struggling with how to keep exploring and developing while needing to keep the day job (or quickly develop an alternative source of financial security and health insurance). I’m also about to re-start therapy to help me break free of the small/protective habits of thought generated by raising a child while having intense depression. I keep starting to change and then boomeranging back into old habits. And I’ve thought of myself as adventurous and open to change! This not-old-yet dog needs to learn some new tricks and I’m struggling!
I’m told it is normal to reevaluate our lives in middle age, and our sister is in the thick of it. Kudos to her for her self-awareness and determination! Other than recommending therapy, which she is already on board with, I don’t yet have any ideas. That is where you come in. What do you suggest? Share your insights, experiences, and empathy in the comments. Helping each other is what we are here for.
3 responses to “New Beginnings”
Start with this moment. Realize that all you have been through has brought you to this moment.
Repeat these lines ( if they fit):
1. I have enough.
2. I do enough.
3. I am enough for myself and for all those who come into my blessed life.
Amen.
Wanda, you write about a friend who’s “struggling with how to keep exploring and developing” while working on her “small/protective habits of thought.” I’m struggling with the same exact feeling: I want to do something creative, something like things when I was much younger… Then education, then kids, and then work and life and income and needing to keep health insurance….But not having a lot of time for myself is no longer a viable excuse, not now. I’m at a point now in my career where they’re not going to get rid of me just yet, and the kids are grown and nearly out of the house. Yet my talent has never burst out. Not once. And I’m 49 this year.
I want to finally blossom, but there’s a nerve that’s lacking or a…fear that stops me. I’ve been thinking on ideas from my educational background, particularly William Blake’s idea of “innocence and experience.” We start out innocent, go through experience that hurts us, changes us, but then–Blake said–we could find our way back to an innocence that isn’t childlike, but is a kind of informed, aware innocence. It’s *choosing* to not let experience unteach us of the best of who we are, but to choose to be like a child, in our clarity and trust and strength of feeling.
So I’ve been thinking, Why not create and explore without judging myself. Without asking anyone for their approval. Without judging myself and whatever I do. Just go on and get in there and get messy and create whatever I feel like today: write a poem, color a page in a book, play an instrument again. Let myself enjoy the little things without thought of creating anything bigger. If I can do that…when I *will* do that…I’ll have unlocked a freedom, a brightness of spirit for myself that somewhere along the way, got locked up.
More on the “play an instrument” later–you’ve inspired me, Wanda, to start to play the guitar again. Another blog post, another time.
I absolutely LOVE your realization that you can explore and create without asking for anyone’s opinion…least of all the opinion of the critic in your head. 🙂 We’re grown and do not be permission to be who we are other than our own permission. So yes, go ahead and do all the things! And if anyone around you complains or mocks, do yourself a favor and put them in their place with swiftness.
Good luck!